Victory For Satan : My First Time Buying/Drinking Booze
- The ExMormon's Guide
- Dec 10, 2018
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 20, 2018
"First Times" can be awkward, liberating, uncomfortable, regrettable, and sometimes, it's the other person that makes it that way. Here are some first time liquor stories from our fellow heathen friends.
"My wife and I were making a recipe which called for any “dry white wine”. So, we went to our local grocer and perused the shelves for this stuff. We passed bottles and bottles of what appeared to be white wine but we were looking for the “dry” version. Discouraged, we went home empty handed and ditched the recipe.
I hate to admit this but we were literally looking for a kool-aid packet of powdered, white wine."
- Bryan was certainly inspired by God NOT to purchase alcohol that night. . . He became an Exmo anyways. Figures, God works in mysterious ways rights? like when he turned water into wine. Or was that his son? Wait, so SHOULD we drink wine? I am so confused.
Carmen writes "The cashier lady at my local liquor store was super helpful. I told her I’d never drank before, after the shocked look wore off her face at the thought of a 34 year old woman who had never had a drink before, she got me some great bottles."
Don't worry Carmen, there is a first for everything! Even if it is sinning! Or, you know, normal adult things. *shrugs*
" I was 26 the first time I had a drink. It was a mimosa, and I nursed it for two hours because I was so afraid of getting drunk. " - This is my friend Stephanie so I guess we can't really judge her. ROCK ON HEATHENS
"First time I got drunk I had run away to new Zealand for a year to work. In the hostel I ended up in a coed room with a bunch or Brits and Germans and they found out I was Mormon and they asked if I wanted to try it and I told them no. I had church in the morning. 10 min later I was playing Kings cup with them. I never felt so liberated in my life. First time I laughed like that in my whole life." - Sarah
I've played Kings Cup as well. And let me tell you, that must have been one hell of a first time experience. (so fun!)
"My first beer was a pint of Guinness at McCool's Irish Pub in Salt Lake on St Patrick's Day. I've had an affinity for dark beers ever since. Soon after that my wife and I got one of those mix-n-match 6-packs at Smith's, 6 different kinds of local craft beers and had a lot of fun talking about the different flavors of each and learning what kinds we each like." - Greg
Queue the crowd going "awwww". It's always nice to have a beer buddy, especially when it's your significant other!
" So, I was 40 something. My husband and I were in Vegas for a convention and found this little dark liquor store a little bit a way from the strip. I can tell you I was just bewildered. I had no idea what to buy. The guy at the cash register was kind of laughing at us as we wandered around looking at all of the bottles. We finally settled on some Sourmash Jim Bean whiskey. We got that because it’s what my husband remembered his former father-in-law would drink, mixed with Coke. It was disgusting!! We did have fun the rest of the trip however! Ha ha. I finally learned that it’s the Honey one we wanted!" - Linda
"I was 27 the first time I went to a liquor store and I bought $9 wine a friend recommended. I was super nervous and basically told the cashier my whole life story. It was something like "Um... Sorry I was Mormon until recently and I've never bought alcohol for myself before, but my friend told me this was good and cheap. Do you want my ID?" The legal drinking age where I live is 18. I did not need to provide ID. The cashier said he hopes I come back and he's there anytime I need a recommendation or help and then reminded me to ease into it." - Shawna
Sometimes telling all helps you out! Sounds like Shawna also had a good support system!
And, sometimes weird situations occur!
"I remember mine! One of my first times going to a liquor store was with my old young woman’s leader who had also left the church. It was a weird moment I still feel strange going to the liquor store." - Laura
Oh Laura, I feel the same! Let's support each other so we can all feel comfortable going into liquor stores!
And finally my favorite since it seems to encompass all of an ExMormon's worse fears!
"Right after leaving the church, my then-husband and I took a Hawaiian vacation. Walking down the beach in Waikiki, we had an epiphany that we could have alcohol. We went to the first restaurant we could find and ordered Mai Tais. My face turned bright red, I knocked over and broke two water glasses, and could barely stand upright as we left.
We stumbled our way back to the hotel where we ordered our first porno and proceeded to have our first drunken sexcapade.
Hawaii turned out to be paradise in more ways than one." - Andrea
See! Look, Andrea lived to tell the tale. There is nothing too embarrassing that you can't get over. Now let's all go to the liquor store or grab some drinks! Hell awaits!
I hope you enjoyed this article. I want your stories! What was it like getting your first coffee beverage? What was it like getting a tattoo. What's your underwear situation like?
Use our contact page on this blog or e-mail me directly at exmormonguide@gmail.com to share your experiences!
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