An Exmormon's Guide to Coffee
- The ExMormon's Guide
- Jan 17, 2019
- 7 min read
Firstly, Congratulations. Perhaps today you are starting the rest of your life. And you have some serious questions. Some might be related to historical issues with the BOM. CESLetter.org is a better place to go for those questions. I could go on and on about my own opinions on mormonism but I'm simply not qualified. This however, is a different story entirely. And these questions are no less serious my friend!!! In fact, I may take a gander at saying that your questions related to spirits and coffee are ones I shall answer with the utmost responsibility!
You, my friend, have come to a place in your life where you would like to integrate yourself more into society. Bravo/Brava for wanting to participate in what nearly all normal people on Earth experience. But how each culture experiences alcohol and coffee is very different. Let's get into this ground grinding, crash course in some basics on coffee.
Most Common Ways to Brew Coffee
Keurig - Many people advocate for this machine because of it's ease, pods with premixed lattes' can be purchased almost everywhere now. The downside is you can't make a lot of coffee, like say a whole pot as this is single serve. And even though there are refillable pods, many people don't use them and the pods end up going to a landfill.
Coffee Pot - If you want to make coffee quickly and make a lot of it a coffee pot is the way to go. Most pots make 12 cups in around 10 minutes, many have timers so you can set it to brew before you wake up. The downside is that you have to make the drinks and most of these machines don't have foaming wands. They are cheap which is also a perk, but sometimes leak or have other issues.
French Press - This seems to be gaining popularity recently. Especially among Exmormons because it can be kept out of sight from their Mormon family/friends. It's a simple method and these presses are even cheaper than Coffee Pot Machine's. The down side is manual labor but that doesn't deter many people. And again, making the drinks yourself. This is also a wonderful gift idea! Certainly one of the cheapest ways to get started!
Espresso Machine - These tend to be the most expensive machine out of all of them. If you enjoy espresso and good quality beans this is certainly the one for you. These usually come with a foaming wand for making drinks. And some can make two at a time. These again, don't make the drink for you but if you like espresso with nothing else there isn't much to make anyways. This is great for making cappuccinos, lattes, macchiatos, really anything but the expense and labor is sometimes a drawback for some individuals. This is what you will see at any coffee shop you go to. If you go to a coffee shop everyday, this many be more economical in the long run.
This is the coffee machine I have, I just got it but I love that it makes pots of coffee, espresso, and has a foaming wand. Maybe I will review it in another blog post in the future once I figure out how the damn thing works.
https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/de-39-longhi-bco330t-combination-steam-espresso-drip-coffee-cappuccino-and-latte-machine-in-silver/1018695677?skuId=18695677&&enginename=google&mcid=PS_googlepla_nonbrand_coffeetea_online&product_id=18695677&adtype=pla&product_channel=online&adpos=1o1&creative=224233276482&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&mrkgadid=2976676940&mrkgcl=609&rkg_id=0&gclid=Cj0KCQiAuf7fBRD7ARIsACqb8w4HdmcJ4DeIDHN2JVRzCwZYVzN6CWv3dPa1MhReAxF-HEBJ3OQLKPAaAka3EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
FAVORITE BRAND
This is my favorite brand at the moment and Bradley Gregory, the owner and us agreed the following is the best for preparing this ExMormon brand coffee.
www.realafcoffee.com
You can listen to the podcast with Gregory and his journey away from Mormonism here: www.patreon.com/theexmormonguide
Now lets talk about . . .
COFFEE
Let's start with some basics. While taking my barista certification course this was the main argument among many cultures. What makes coffee good?
Many Europeans, Turks, Japanese, and certainly Italians(they get their own category, they invented espresso!) would argue that coffee should be tasted in it's purest form. Black, or as espresso.
Go to Columbia, Ethopia, Canada, or New Zealand and you are sure to have sugar, wonderful spices, and/or creamer mixed into your brew.
Whereas Americans, and perhaps even other Europeans would agree that high fat creams or milks ENHANCE the flavor of the coffee rather than detract from it. In fact, a barista may cringe if you ask for skim milk in your coffee because in her head she knows the truth "this will make this coffee taste terrible". Additionally are we adding syrups? Additives? To mask/enhance the flavor? So many preparations, but do not fear! Variety is the spice of life, which reminds me, have you ever had a dirty chai? It's a chai latte with a shot of espresso and totally delicious.
Anyways! I am of the thought that GREAT coffee tastes best black or as an espresso. Everyday coffee you make at home should taste good with creamer or black as your palate adjusts. And cheap coffee (usually coffee grabbed on the run/traveling) should always be made into a Latte, Macchiato, or at least left with "room" at the top to put sugar and cream into. But what are these drinks you ask? Let's go over the most common ones that you would find in America.
Different Coffee Drinks
Americano or Caffe Americano - Espresso and Hot water. Don't be perturbed by this lackluster description. Americanos tend to bring high quality into a high quantity vessel, at least when ordered in America. You'll almost always be asked if you "want room". And if you are a newby, I suggest waiting a bit before taking a wack at this monster of a drink. It's great if you like the flavor of coffee and need a major jolt. Occasionally at a fancier establishment smaller quantities are sold.
Cappuccino - Espresso and Foam. Very straight forward. The foam can bring out the flavor in the coffee. Sometimes chocolate powder or Cinnamon is used. The foam floats on top unlike the latte which has milk/cream throughout. Again, probably not a great first drink for an exmo.
Macchiato - Starbucks is famous for it's macchiatos, lattes and flavored drinks. However, they do not make their macchiato the traditional way. If you go to another place besides Starbucks be wary that you may be getting espresso "stained" with milk. You will need to ask for a flavor if you want something more similar to the macchiato's you may have come to know and love.
Latte - A traditional latte has milk, and espresso. That's about it. It's here in America that we began adding exorbitant amounts of caramel, hazelnut, vanilla, etc. Chai flavor's are also wonderful, or holiday additions. These are good first drinks if you think you can handle the coffee flavor.
Frappe - A Greek drink originally made from instant coffee, sugar, and water. In America you can get caramel, chocolate, vanilla, and even matcha flavored frappes. This is the first choice for anyone that has NEVER had coffee. If you can like a frappe you can move on to the latte and so on and so forth.
Anything with Mocha - Another good choice for beginners. Too many options to talk about. If you like chocolate and coffee, these are good for you but be aware that sometimes even these are bitter to a palate new to coffee.
Cold Brew - Don't be deceived. These can be very powerful drinks. Brewed, usually overnight, these can be very strong and bitter. Even with some flavoring you may wish you had gotten something else. I personally LOVE cold brew, but it's certainly not everyone's cup of tea... or coffee. Even at Starbucks their infamous "Vanilla Cold Brew" packs a punch. This is one of my husband's favorite drinks though!
Tea and Closing Prayer
There are also many Tea drinks, Chai Latte, Matcha, a London Fog is wonderful when you want to escape the coffee world for a moment. Tea doesn't nearly have the same strong bitter flavor as coffee and may be a better starting point to get you used to going to a coffee shop. I have also found that local is always better. Beans N' Brews in Utah was great, as were many of the shops in downtown SLC. Starbucks is a great starting point but I encourage you to try something new several months after you have become accustomed to coffee. Supporting local coffee shops, breweries, distilleries, wineries, etc is a wonderful way to feel good about the dollar you spend.
I hope this was helpful to all you new heathens just trying to get the perfect cup of joe. Here are some little tips below for visiting a coffee shop, please comment anything else you can think of below that may be helpful to someone.
Additional Tips and Etiquette
Tipping is encouraged but not as necessary as tipping in a bar. Anything is appreciated, like your change, or 10-15%. If you order food that has to be prepared please apply 20%. If the barista is particularly helpful I like to give a dollar per drink which is what is encouraged for alcoholic beverages, we'll go over that in "An Exmo's Guide to Alcohol - A Crash Course".
Asking for low fat milk is typically "uncouth" but you should drink coffee how you want to. If you get skim milk in a sugary drink you will probably be judged. Again, you do you!
If a Barista asks you if you want "Room" they are asking if you want room for cream or sugar.
You must order something if you are going to use your laptop. And order again every 1-2 hrs. Choose a small table, and if the place begins to fill up consider leaving.
If a creamer container is out, bring it to the front and politely let them know it is out. Saves time, for you and them, they are probably busy or unaware. Saying is and not bringing it up seems inefficient and silly, don't you think?
Every coffee shop is different. What you order at Starbucks will not be the same somewhere else. Don't be upset. Ask BEFORE you order what would be a good drink for you. "I am new to this, I really like caramel flavored things, is there a drink I could get that would be comparable?"
Enjoy yourself heathens!
Kommentare