The ExMormon's Guide To Everything -A Family Affair (podcast script)

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Hi, my name is Beck Frame and this is The ExMormon’s Guide To Everything. Today our topic is “Family Affairs - Shutting Down Toxic Behaviors”. I will be speaking on this topic because it that actually inspired this platform. It got a lot of positive feedback in several groups and on the exmormon subreddit. We’re going to talk about those sticky situations where someone brings up religion at a family function. And we’re going to go through the steps of how to rebuttal someone that does this, in a healthy and assertive manner so you don’t lose our damn mind.

Now, I had some individuals say this helped them with different situations not necessarily stemming from Mormonism. Many families, not just those touched by Mormonism deal with individuals that have toxic behaviors. This can help in those situations as well, but back to the topic at hand.

My first piece of advice is this. When you “come out of mormonism,” doing so publicly can actually be a life send. It makes people aware that you have left, and people won’t be confused when you post a porn shoulder picture, or yourself holding a beer on social media. We won’t dig too deeply into telling people you're leaving Mormonism today, but as the holidays continue I felt like I should talk about this topic specifically to help others out. We need to remember that many of these individuals are certifiably brainwashed into many different dogmas of thinking, we can talk about that another time too. So when we deal with these individuals we need to do so, at first, with empathy and compassion.

To quote the great Michelle Obama, “when they go low, we go high.”

During a family event such as a monthly dinner or holiday individuals may ask really offensive questions or poke fun at you for leaving. Before you even GO to this event, maybe consider sending a text. Such as

“let’s keep topics away from how or why we left Mormonism, we can discuss any questions you might have via e-mail, thank you for understanding, we love you.”

This eliminates any awkward feelings that the Mormons might feel, if they are a good family member they wouldn’t in a million years want to REALLY offend you, this helps them know what is and isn’t okay before any event has even begun.

However sometimes you just can’t foresee what will happen until it’s too late. If someone in person says something rude or offensive in reference to you leaving a good tactic is to make them face reality. If they bring something up at say, a wedding, or funeral this works even better.

"I'm so glad I got to wear the dress I wanted to!"

“We are here to celebrate XYZ, if we could keep our conversation away from that topic I would appreciate it”

Mormons tend to forget that everything is a two way street, it’s inappropriate to talk religion and politics at most family functions as there is so much divide between people opinions on those matters. Making them realize this can most likely stop any comments they would have in the future.

Okay, so now let’s say Linda has called you out for something incredibly inappropriate, she is belittling you for parenting your children outside of the church, or saying you lack morals for drinking a glass of wine. You can absolutely be more assertive and say something to the following effect,

Don't be deceived, Linda is super rude.

“You know, Linda, we don’t agree with your lifestyle or Mormonism, but we try our best not to argue with you about them because we respect you, we hope you would do the same for us.”

This can also be the “second warning” if an individual will not stop berating you or bringing up this sensitive topic.

If Linda pushes a third time or flies off the handle that you asked her to respect you, you have the right to leave the situation.

Thank your host and collect your things, if possible pull the individual aside, unless they said all of this in front of your family.

“Linda we asked you to respect that we have left the church, you have not afforded us that respect today after we asked you to simply treat us as we treat you when it comes to our beliefs. We will be leaving now and not returning if you cannot behave in a civil manner at family events”

If Linda never apologizes and the behavior continues it is THEN that you take the steps to cutting the individual out of your life. Remember, toxic relationships are not fair to you or the toxic entity.

I hope you enjoyed this short segment that has been requested, it is my hope that all heathens enjoy the holidays this year, despite the friction they may feel in their personal relationships as they transition away from Mormonism. Happy Holidays From The ExMormon’s Guide To Everything.

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